the test

The Test

After my well articulated post of taking it easy and letting life happen few weeks ago, I went ahead and did something absolutely rash last week. I signed up for the language test.

the registration for the exam is not a big deal, I mean normally people register for an exam they want to take next month or so. No sire, I wouldn’t be me without careless judgement. This test happened last weekend, that meant I had 6 days prior to prepare. How’s that for relinquishing control

Thus rolled in the beginning of what happened to be a really long week, I was recoiling from the death of my grandfather and somehow my brilliant plan was to distract myself by studying without ends each day. Na ja brilliant.

On the D day, I was beyond tired, kaputt as the Germans say, and well I couldn’t turn back now. I had already paid. Although I don’t consider myself a run-on-the mill lucky person, spring had just begun. This is the time of new beginning. If I was going to make a leap of faith, it had to be now.

So I did it anyway.

Out of the four fluency skills, I pride myself in my reading and understanding skills, I felt positive about that. Listening on the other hand, is not my forte. And writing? God knows that could go either way.

But the speaking. Oh the speaking part. I could count a million things wrong with it other than my enunciation skills. So there I, brain running on low glucose and less than optimal sleep. Hands fidgety. The self -confidence battery completely drained and naturally expected to speak Deutsch for 15 minutes.

Game over. I lost.

…or did I?

I told myself I’ll be okay either way the wind blows, tho honestly I lost hope. Today, I contacted the institute. The lady was kind enough to reveal my points, even though they officially aren’t to be revealed yet. Perhaps she had sufficient emotional intelligence to sense the desperation in my voice which provoked man’s most regal emotion, empathy. I’ll never know, and at the moment, I wasn’t really interested in that.

I have to say i’m shocked—in a good way. The scenario played out a lot different in my head. I will have to repeat a part of it, luckily not the whole. Now the question I can’t help but ask myself is, if I could go back, would I register for this test 6 days before it takes place, knowing I won’t make it all the way through?

At the risk of coming off stand-offish, Absolutely. I’m unapologetically non-penitent in this regard. I get no accolade for good judgement or relinquishing control. There’s a reason I don’t know how to swim. But I like to think I’m a student of life, I let life chew me up and spit me out.

Tomorrow, I’ll still climb the moon.

Matthew 11:28; Then Jesus said, “come to me , all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest”.

Image by @bekexjj aka James Robert on Instagram

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