F.E.A.R

With what my eyes have seen, the fields are lush. The streams are tiding from east to west. The moonlit sky migrating to a horizon. Buffalos hurdle to hide in caves. And sparrows high up the myrtle tree sings a song I fear.

A narrow window ajar, bright lights filtering through. I’ve come too far, not by my strength alone. One step heavier than the next, as though both feet were shackled to an anchor. Can’t see past my index finger. And I…

I should be very afraid.

The word FEAR keeps coming back around. Ironic how a simple four lettered word could cast so much shadow, it even holds power over identity, flashing a casted silhouette of doubt as an estranged former lover.

I am afraid

.

.

but what good would that do?

I can’t predict what’s engraved in the sands that fall through the Hourglass. I can’t speak incantations into the Wind and expect to extract a fortune. I can’t squeeze all that I am and serve to the universe on a platter. And I don’t.

I have a God that eradicates fear.

on A Myrtle Tree

And just like that

there is a man sitting on a myrtle tree

his body is feeble but his voice is loud

He sings the same song everyday;

Woe is the man who believes

in the freedom the world promises

for no such thing has ever existed

or will ever…

Sometimes he begins to fuss and wail

for no ear cares to listen

He should have given up a while ago

yet he campaigns even vigorously

Remove the scales from your eyes

so you can see in the darkness

There is only freedom

in the arms of the son of man

Days come and months pass

Sun shines and snow breaks

A child is born and a man dies

but the man’s mouth is never shut;

Open your lips and sing his praise

the LORD of lords is alive forever

drink from the living water he provides

and let peace rule your heart till death

The kids make fun of him all day

the young men think he’s drunk on spirit

the old men think he finally broken

since his family died a while back

I sometimes sit under that myrtle tree

let his voice serenade me while I rest

lately I started thinking of the possibilities

the man may be mad, but what if he’s right?

Wanted: Best Friend

It is truly scary

when thoughts develop lips

then speak,

holding real conversations

like best friends, both mentally instabil

Whirlwinds trapped in physicality

How bad I want one

even loners need friends to survive

one who will be there a decade after

no matter the race, gender or preference

One I wouldn’t try so hard to keep

or give reasons to stay

one that doesn’t care about roots of my tangled past

and the thick thorns isolating my heart

so long as my ideas dance freely

and emotions bloom with every feeling

And maybe I’ve had one or five before

At a time I couldn’t value treasures

because being open is still funny to me

but I’ll ask the man above one last time

For a treasure who will stay

and the grace to not fuck it up.

Happy New Year

Rest your head on my bosom, camaraderie

for we’ve swam long rivers and hurdled hills

we’ve known each other for 10 long moons

and I hope we will 10 x 10 more

I’ve come to you in times of crippling doubt,

you’ve had my back when I was singled out

and even when I couldn’t think clear

you pulled me from the other side of fear.

Let you head linger on my bosom a while longer

as we greet the sun at the dawn of a new day

beginning at the first day of a new century

I bid you not to part ways

lets start together, hand in hand

Fill this vase with happiness and tears

Sip from each other’s chalace

we can stare out of the window on rainy days

Wait until the clouds are replaced by rainbows

say you’ll honestly be there,

in fairytales and in the real world

because If I were asked to tell my life’s journey

it would start with me and continue with you.

Happy 2020 Bloggers, Readers, Visitors. Camaraderie.

A Family of 6

I asked how they were called,

but they didn’t have a name

and when I visited them,

there was nothing interesting about them

I was infrequent,

but still they knew my name

they’d study the word together within a frame

and amuse each other afterwards

They said, God is love, so I believed

and hung my cares upon his cross

Each time I wanted to bury the faith

like the Grinch before Christmas miracle

but instead their company did warm my heart

I became part of a family without prejudice

a family saner than blood

A bond stronger than pride

Each weekend, we’d hold hands

Sing aloud the music of heaven

just the 6 of us, and I’m the least.

A bunch of students with nothing but their voices.

Sometimes we were more

other times just one would show

still one thing was sure

There is a pull in our hearts that just won’t let go

Year in, Year out.

I hope for the big secret to be revealed

48 hours to the end of 2019

and I’m still hoping with a gladdened heart

Angels sing with soft glorious voices

I’m impaled by the love of Jesus

I jubilate when I remember that

He can be confident for the six of us

He has seen us through in times of drought

Though stagnant floods may throw us into a folly

yet we labor to hear his calling on our lives

we breath into his double blessings

Will 2020 be the year he ropes us in?

show us the pastel he painted eons ago?

maybe not, but our mouths will never run out of testimonies

and I pray yours will never too.

Happy 2020 to you and yours.

Christmas wishes

I told myself the wishes I wanted

coz no other ear was listening

I needed a wedding gown

something subtle but glistening

I want to visit my many Christmas pasts

and hug me till I’m warm inside

stay up and talk about previous wishes

kiss me when I fall asleep

Amongst other things

A brand new job

to help pay the Mortgage

and prove I’m no slob

I have so many wishes

would love to check them through

soon a new year comes straddling

and we wish the old Adieu

But a lovely evening with you

hiding from the wind outside

decorating the Christmas tree

ho ho ho with yuletide

Hot cocoa cozied in hand

selfless acts of love I adore

Cheesy movies every night

is just as good or more

respect the process

I can’t hide emotions, my face will betray

I can’t say yes when I mean No

thunder billows and the earth quakes too

still my pupils are wide and my lips shut

at every chance, I frown a smile

take care of me , is No. 1 rule

may seem selfish but have no choice

give me a chance, or do you dare?

add another one in case I fail

I cannot be seen

I cannot be heard

taciturn, to say the least

not made of stones, like I pretend

Wish I were active like my rummaging thoughts

though I could never focus on something worthwhile

I’m not heartbroken, I’m really glad

can walk around and see Christmas lights

can lie on the ground and watch my thoughts

I’ve learnt to respect the process of life unfolding

Prefer dancing with tears in my eyes

Tomorrow will explain the reasons why

On a starry winter night

Hot wine in the advent market

Cinnamon lingers in the air

Ginseng leaves tapered by snow

on a starry winter night

Decorated trees in a corner in each house

Behind every boot follows a snowy trail

shadows melting in the inner city

on a starry winter night

Eyelids bejewelled with Icicles

Thick socks and warm scarfs everywhere

tete-√°-tete in an open furnace

on a starry winter night

snowflakes plastered on windowsill

Carollers forging through the snow

Eggnog and jolly cheers

on a starry winter night

Only thing I love about Christmas

That one song and roasted chestnuts

bingeing Home alone till I dose asleep

on a starry winter night

Memorabilia

Love me to the bone

I am the mirage of sin

that you keep secret

See through naked eyes

goddess of love and despair

found zen in the casted storm

I am mother, daughter, Cleopatra

box of memorabilia

Spectacle of dreams

the lotus i imagined

Leaves midnight roses

for long lost soul and loved ones

found beauty in words unsaid

A path to the inside of toppled tears

liquid death sprayed at high noon

No barriers left to mould

no spirit left roaming in the wild

nothing but a smegma of dysfunction

Left the cage open

unleashed a predator of habit

the answers are in risen flames

To the wildest amongst us

Tooth sunk in righteousness cloak

the more obscure the discomfort, the better