My hair loves honey,
coconut milk and aloe vera too
She’s a richer bitch than I am
and a bad habit to break
My hair loves honey,
coconut milk and aloe vera too
She’s a richer bitch than I am
and a bad habit to break
He gave me this load to carry
it weighed heavy and left me winded
in my ribcage, my heart ached and slowed
all the while robbing me of my speech
It was several rough hands grappling at my neck
A reality that costed me my libido, my stamina, my cash
doubt was running down my face like sticky mascara
in the face of adversary, I pretend to be everything I’m not
It’s like my shadow was polluting the street
and my hymn was that of a debby downer
on one side life was handing out subtle coloured roses
on my end, I had sunk deep into dung
Cock. Screw. Trigger
eagerly waiting for a mail that ends it all
soon I realise, I can’t serve two masters
I’m left roaming like a wild cat
Today ends and tomorrow begins
but my anxiety stayed constant variable
realising how expensive joy is
even though I answer to it’s call
They said it’ll get easier, it hasn’t but i’m still here
how do you know when you’ve hit rock bottom?
when you can’t estimate the well’s depth?
It’s like a deaf married to a deaf and birthing a deaf child—– no really
That day will come, some day
I’ll forgot the worry lines that creased my brow
the tightening grip on my neck will vanish
the road i chose will become more familiar
Then I will be willing to speak.
I spy with my eyes
An unmistakable whiff of cheap cologne
persists, lingering on my philtrum
grows wider than spaces between lyrical innuendoes
I cannot unlearn my inevitable mortality
even if I cried sunshine and peed rainbow
Rose coloured Polaroids
I remember when I used to mope around
Waiting to recover my vitreousness
rummaging the things that have been shipwrecked
Hate is not an equal to love
I love the things you hate the most
Wring me dry
wring me plaid
stretch me under your adventure boots
as you sail from high to low tides
It is quintessence that flows to the brink of surrender
eccentric little goldfinch blushing in pitch darkness
Silence recruits ravens to unearth ethereal promises
a seed of poison drawn on the lips
Winter colour muse from a sardonic artist’s heart
A brothel couldn’t hide you behind it’s wall of cigarette smoke
bodies hidden between the corridors and cracks
to be made whole, I must be found
to be found, I must vanish behind a random gothic windowsill
“Remember to make yourself whole again”,
That voice so dauntingly vivid says
Remember the trees that cast a shadow on you while you were wounded
Remember the spring that brought fresh water to your heels
Remember the face in the sky that day that looked like a beguiled doe
The Icicles that clung to the roof of a shack that was bastioned by the forest
Everything is just how you remember
It is as clear as a mirror in your mind
But it is in the other side of the mirror that you live
A upside down dimension that is tipping over
This is the reality where everything has changed
Where the sun peaks at midnight and sets at daybreak
Where ashes and splinters are the remains of the tree
The bones in the river lie waste at midday
The faces in the sky, how orgulous they’ve becomee
now that a forest fire has ravaged the botanical lush
Therefore you do not recognise your safe place
the twinkle in your eyes are one of oblivion
You cannot hear the wildlifes jolly prance
You cannot sense sand fall to the bottom of the hour glass
and your body withers along with the surrounding
“Remember to make yourself whole again”,
it’s merely a fleeting whisper now
but on the other side of the mirror there is nothing
by now perhaps you’ve started to realise,
that you do not exist too.
We always have the heartiest laugh
in a room full of people
we adapt to living in the moment
It will be over soon anyways
Battery drained, energy depleted
Just need an hour,
Just need a week
and an empty bottle of elderberry wine
Take the dog for a walk
and do yoga outdoors
when we feel a buzz to explore nature
It could all be so simple
Club music, screaming teens aches the soul’s ears
felt this way since age 22.
Maybe tomorrow. Maybe a month’s gap
“the farther the better” is forever the motto.
ask me to come join you at 9pm
I text back at 8:59
Body feels heavy and my bed’s tucked me in
it’s massaged me with a soothing balm
and pecked me sweet dreams
A day at a time
helps us unravel our insecurities
we’ve sailed through time
stopping at every port of our mind’s evolution
Watching oneself grow without changing
suffocating under knowledge, experience and migration
Running away from a place that feeds off light and innocence
away from the alley of despair and self-abandonment
searching earnestly for peace
but peace finds us on a rainy night
beside our bed with a mug of yogi tea
grooving to jazzy pop and stroking our bunny’s tum
Today we’re bubbly, fun, ready to go
but you’re talking over each other
and I can’t hear myself think
instead I’m absorbing everybody else’s emotion
I’m done before the night’s even begun
Let’s try a do over
at the one place where anxiety has no territory
so long as you don’t move anything
or poke prying questions
I’ll get the Hors d’oeuvre and listen
you sit over there and relish the honor of being invited
into the organized maze of a chaotic mind
This amazing illustration by Yaoyao Ma Van of https://introvertdear.com/news/illustrations-introvert-living-alone/
I’m still gagging.
*Warning: this post is slightly ethnic heavy*
To usher us into a new era of super fierce black realness, Solange released her new Album with her single “Almeda”. Here’s my 2 cents;
Hello 911, what’s your emerg—?
You say he’s suffering from persistent convulsions? Give that man a bolus of melanin stat!
Almeda 200ml/ 30min until he stabilises.
Yes, it is layers upon layers of brown liquor, brown sugar, black skin and everything else in between.
I normally do not involve myself with today’s music. Most are condonable until they transform into an ear worm, no thanks to the massive supply from media. However, they highly influence the creative works behind pop culture, which means it’s worth something.
My idea of pop culture revolves around a handful of artists. I’m inspired by realness—some are albeit neither popular or current. I love Kate bush, Sade, Aliyah, Erykah Badu, 2pac, Eminem and Kendrick Lamar…so maybe a bit more than a handful.
Now Solange happens to be the missing link between Pop culture and black realness. That’s because she proves it every time she releases a single. The first song from her I heard, “lovers in the parking lot”, had me obsessing without end. Her energy is ambivalent, most of the time she’s just having fun. When “losing you” came out, I was sold, hook, line and sinker. I guess I’m naturally drawn to the underdog.
The problem with the so called pop culture today, is that the masses always pit their beliefs against each other. Let’s not get into Cardi-B and Nicki Minaj shameful dirty laundry exhibition. People try to convince others that their choice of music, fashion or dance is ulterior. It’s too subjective to call. and doesn’t need to be cut-throat. For the generation Z, who happen to be the more technology savvy, peer pressure is an ancient problem.
When we listen to tunes that flow well, that impacts our psyche in an aboriginal way. So let’s enjoy the gift of music, for it adds flavour to our life—but I’m just saying Solange is Bae tho.
After my well articulated post of taking it easy and letting life happen few weeks ago, I went ahead and did something absolutely rash last week. I signed up for the language test.
the registration for the exam is not a big deal, I mean normally people register for an exam they want to take next month or so. No sire, I wouldn’t be me without careless judgement. This test happened last weekend, that meant I had 6 days prior to prepare. How’s that for relinquishing control
Thus rolled in the beginning of what happened to be a really long week, I was recoiling from the death of my grandfather and somehow my brilliant plan was to distract myself by studying without ends each day. Na ja brilliant.
On the D day, I was beyond tired, kaputt as the Germans say, and well I couldn’t turn back now. I had already paid. Although I don’t consider myself a run-on-the mill lucky person, spring had just begun. This is the time of new beginning. If I was going to make a leap of faith, it had to be now.
So I did it anyway.
Out of the four fluency skills, I pride myself in my reading and understanding skills, I felt positive about that. Listening on the other hand, is not my forte. And writing? God knows that could go either way.
But the speaking. Oh the speaking part. I could count a million things wrong with it other than my enunciation skills. So there I, brain running on low glucose and less than optimal sleep. Hands fidgety. The self -confidence battery completely drained and naturally expected to speak Deutsch for 15 minutes.
Game over. I lost.
…or did I?
I told myself I’ll be okay either way the wind blows, tho honestly I lost hope. Today, I contacted the institute. The lady was kind enough to reveal my points, even though they officially aren’t to be revealed yet. Perhaps she had sufficient emotional intelligence to sense the desperation in my voice which provoked man’s most regal emotion, empathy. I’ll never know, and at the moment, I wasn’t really interested in that.
I have to say i’m shocked—in a good way. The scenario played out a lot different in my head. I will have to repeat a part of it, luckily not the whole. Now the question I can’t help but ask myself is, if I could go back, would I register for this test 6 days before it takes place, knowing I won’t make it all the way through?
At the risk of coming off stand-offish, Absolutely. I’m unapologetically non-penitent in this regard. I get no accolade for good judgement or relinquishing control. There’s a reason I don’t know how to swim. But I like to think I’m a student of life, I let life chew me up and spit me out.
Tomorrow, I’ll still climb the moon.
Matthew 11:28; Then Jesus said, “come to me , all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest”.
Image by @bekexjj aka James Robert on Instagram
Everyday starts out the same—a longing yawn that spurs our entire organs to wakening. However they end differently. Sometimes different is good, other times it’s bad different. The high priestess draws are unpredictable
Sometimes we wake up with a single goal in mind like, find food, the next minute a dentist is sawing off your teeth like deranged miner drilling for nugget. There are times, your goal is to find yourself, then along the way you become enchanted by someone’s eyes— it’s always in the verdamnt eyes. You fall hard….deep…hard deep? and wind up in a whirlwind that drops you at the last station you’d want to be— a town hall at your own wedding.
So here I am, self proclaimed anti-wedding conservative accepting a right standing romantic activist in a legal binding contract. Not only that, but this happens to be the first of four ceremonies which for some women is a gold plastered street with a rainbow at the end with a sack of gold beneath it.
Tja, when I said 2019 was going to be one hella year, this wasn’t exactly the scent I was trailing down. Now and again, I forget to introduce myself right.
I’ve often been asked how I feel. It’s a fleeting feeling I still can’t comprehend, but it’s calm and soothing like Ayurvedic tea after Yoga. What I do know is that I’m loving being able to call HIM, my husband.
To be safe, ask me again after all the Nigerian and Hungarian marriage schenedigans.
And lastly, because it’s simply the best. Romans 8:28, And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Thanks for stopping by to check on us. Enjoy a pleasant week ahead.
Patriotic Nigerian, we hold in our finite hands the fate of the future.
Later generations will hold tomorrow in the same regard as the Biafra war
they will remember their father and mother’s decision
their uncles and aunties reaction
it is not a question of who is the smarter candidate
or who makes the most campaign promises
our sons and daughters will neither remember what they said nor how they won
They will only remember us and the choice we committed to.
So tomorrow let the national anthem resonate in your heart
lets choose the freedom, peace and unity we sing so passionately of
Remember the pregnant women and defenceless children that were massacred
The slaughtered Nigerians, no different from you and I.
Remember that mass genocides in Zamfara and Plateau too.
Their blood cries out, and their families mourn for justice.
while we are not God, and the current government ignores our pleas
We owe it to our future generations, to secure fighting chance
Tomorrow will be a one for the history books
though they say history is never kind,
Tomorrow the sun will be still, and God’s hand will prevail.
Tomorrow will be a day for the neglected, the deprived and the oppressed
The day that will forever echo the verdict and retribution for the government and the people.
Vote wisely, for you will be remembered for it.
I’m filling up the tank, Amadeus
let me drive into mid-summer’s sunset
wave good-bye to the road we built together
leave behind the haunted part of myself
and the people who whose faces I swore I’d always recognise
I’m gonna drive past the seven mountains
each representing an era of intrepid defeat followed by respite
I hope i don’t choke on the unjust decay of human-kind
I pray the air is clean and the earth sprouts goodness
I pray that the soil is untainted, wherever I settle
I’m sorry my love, but this is the way it has to be
When we built this highway you knew deep down
the day would come when I’d run and never look back
the astonishment in your face leaves me clutching my chest
the part of you that dies today, already withered in me a while ago
So I’m buying a highway ticket, never to return
I’d ask you to come with but we both know
that’s not what you want
You’re the one that got away and I may never forgive myself
for now, take my dreamcatcher, and I’ll nozzle your cheekbone later.
Ich fülle den Tank,
lass mich in den Sonnenuntergang im Hochsommer fahren
Abschied von der Straße, die wir gemeinsam gebaut haben
hinterlasse den tiefsten Teil von mir
und die Leute, deren Gesichter ich geschworen habe, erkenne ich immer
Ich werde an den sieben Bergen vorbeifahren
jeder repräsentiert eine Ära der Niederlage und der Ruhe
Ich hoffe, ich würde den ungerechten Verfall menschlicher Art nicht
Ich bete, dass die Luft sauber ist
Ich bete, dass der Erde unbefleckt ist, wo auch immer ich mich niederlasse
Es tut mir leid, meine Liebe, aber so muss es sein
Als wir diese Autobahn bauten, wussten Sie es ganz genau
Der Tag würde kommen, wenn ich renne und nie zurückschaue
Das Erstaunen in Ihrem Gesicht ist nur eine Fassade
Der Teil von Ihnen, der heute stirbt, ist schon vor einiger Zeit in mir verwelkt
Also kaufe ich eine Autobahnfahrkarte und kehre nie zurück
Ich würde dich bitten mitzukommen,
aber wir wissen es beide das ist nicht was du willst
Du bist derjenige, der davongekommen ist, und ich werde es mir niemals verzeihen
für jetzt nimm meinen Traumfänger, und ich werde heute Abend deinen Wangenknochen spritzen.