Party wie die Deutschen

Since moving to Germany. I’ve done everything except stop and smell the roses. At times, it even seems like i’m purposely distracting myself from everything except work. It was only a matter of time before I would be forced to stand in stillness. The opportunity to hang up my scrubs came last weekend when my man’s birthday aligned with Oktoberfest. Neither of us have visited the event before, so we neither knew what to expect nor what was in store for us.

I wore the appropriate Dirndl mit Schürze, courtesy of a german relative. She also pointed out sweetly, that women laced the schürze according to their marital status. Married or courted ladies always laced it to their right hip, and flirtatious unbethroted women tied behind. Apparently a long standing tradition in German culture.

Oktoberfest was grounded sometime in the 17th century in Bavaria. l didn’t really research the roots of the celebration, but my guess is that it has something to do with the Deutsche love of beer, wurst and parties. Eventually, this month long festivity, extended to welcome visitors around the globe

So I had my dirndl on, and was feeling really cute until I discovered that mine wasn’t the most modern in the swarm of festers. But that didn’t matter at all. What really got to me was wait periods outside the Biergarten. I couldn’t phantom why I had to wait so long, just to buy an overpriced beer. Oktoberfest wasn’t looking so festive for me right about then.

Eventually we made it into a tent, and if you think our troubles were over, you’d be wrong as we couldn’t even have space to breath, talkless of seating. We stood in a line. Stood to drink our beers and eat our equally overpriced Ofenkartoffeln. How delightful!

By the time we left the tent, I was cursing out loud. There were police everywhere, protecting drunk people laying on the floor from getting trampled. Other times, people got aggressive from too much drinking and had to be roughed up by security until the police arrived. We came across a group of men doing Cocaine right there, like it was a norm. I had to ask myself, if Jesus came right now, would I be be saved? would he be happy that I’m here, would he even find me in this crowd?

I dunno.

But we ran into luck in the second tent. The wait was about 10 minutes and as we were entering, a group was leaving so we got seated immediately and welcomed others to sit with us. We got a beer and food and got acquainted with an American couple as well as a group from France, the evening was beginning to light up and the music wasn’t bad either.

My final thoughts on Oktoberfest…. I really don’t know. It’s clearly not my scene but I towards the end of the night, I decided that maybe we could give it another try if, and only if we got tickets into the tents. On the way home, the police escorted the crowd to the trains, this was much needed as I believe as we witnessed many passed-out fellows even as we arrived our destination.

The Interview

Den 6. Mai. 2019.

It was an especially windy morning and I was in a losing battle with the rain, my least favourite forecast. By now my mascara was like a plangent river and my nipples seem to have resisted all the confines I had on, and were poking out as if in protest. This is the kind of morning I’d double up on blankets and burrow a hole through with my body. Now I simply had to resist the urge to moan.

Several minutes later, I was in the courtyard of one of the most prestigious establishment of the town’s history. The weather didn’t seem to deter the occupants as there were more than a handful of young adults, running around in the garten, and some if you can believe, making rain angels.

I walked right through the iron-casted door and shook myself like a shaggy mutt, hopefully I’d get some warmth flowing through my veins before the interview. This was my first job interview, but my quivering body and goose-bumped skin subdued all other nerve-wrenching feelings.

As I walked through the long corridor, searching for the waiting room, a door opened and the man wedging his robust body between it was possibly in his late 40s. He seemed to be squinting at me through his rimmed-glasses; “Frau Ukut, Sie sinds?”

I swallowed my words as I replied; “Ja da bin ich”. He motioned to me to wiggle myself past him. I took a seat behind him as he muttered some welcoming words while taking a seat. We were separated by a sturdy table made from maple oak. He adjusted his brims and glared at me. By this time, my smile was beginning to quake. The voices in my head bellowed in unison, “Oh no, the jig is up”.

I dared to break the silence, “Herr Mayer, Gibt es eventuell eine Probleme oder?

“Na ja”, he heaved, ” Sie sind ein bisschen zu groß, eine Patientin hier zu sein”

Entschuldigen Sie, I chuckled at the silly remark, “Ich bewerbe mich nur bei Ihnen als Assistenzärztin. Haben Sie meine unterlagen nicht bekommen oder?”

He toyed with the tip of a pen which seemed to have been heavily chewed on, then picking up the telephone, he punched in numbers and made some affirmations with the person on the other end. A few footsteps later, there was a knock on the door. Herr Mayer stood up, straightened his tie and right before disappearing assured me. “Warten Sie, Ich komme gleich wieder zurück”.

I sat there peering at the obscure hand painted framed images loosely hung on the wall. A couple were of a woman with soft eyes and a reverse smile. Another was of a clown trapped in a burning building, and there were others that had too much going on anyway. Absorbing myself within them kept me from tinkering with Herrn Mayer’s impression about me being a patient..

Shortly as promised, he was back with news, ” Ich freue mich darüber, Sie zu erzählen, dass Sie den Job bekommen haben. Wenn es stimmt dir zu, können Sie schon am heute Nachmittag anfangen”. My heart was palpitating in my chest as I could not believe his utterance. In that moment, I had forgotten every appropriate reply, so I grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. Before I left the office, his last words since the forty mins I’ve known him were, ” we believe you will fit right in”.

So I went into the changing rooms and reemerged in the courtyard in white overalls. The dress code seemed to grab the kids attentions. Now the rain had stopped and my smile was beaming. Here I was, residing physician at the Institute of Paediatric Neurology and Psychiatry, Cologne. A dream I’ll keep reliving until it comes true.

The Getaway

I’m filling up the tank, Amadeus

let me drive into mid-summer’s sunset

wave good-bye to the road we built together

leave behind the haunted part of myself

and the people who whose faces I swore I’d always recognise

I’m gonna drive past the seven mountains

each representing an era of intrepid defeat followed by respite

I hope i don’t choke on the unjust decay of human-kind

I pray the air is clean and the earth sprouts goodness

I pray that the soil is untainted, wherever I settle

I’m sorry my love, but this is the way it has to be

When we built this highway you knew deep down

the day would come when I’d run and never look back

the astonishment in your face leaves me clutching my chest

the part of you that dies today, already withered in me a while ago

So I’m buying a highway ticket, never to return

I’d ask you to come with but we both know

that’s not what you want

You’re the one that got away and I may never forgive myself

for now, take my dreamcatcher, and I’ll nozzle your cheekbone later.


Auf Deutsch

Ich fülle den Tank,

lass mich in den Sonnenuntergang im Hochsommer fahren

Abschied von der Straße, die wir gemeinsam gebaut haben

hinterlasse den tiefsten Teil von mir

und die Leute, deren Gesichter ich geschworen habe, erkenne ich immer

Ich werde an den sieben Bergen vorbeifahren

jeder repräsentiert eine Ära der Niederlage und der Ruhe

Ich hoffe, ich würde den ungerechten Verfall menschlicher Art nicht

Ich bete, dass die Luft sauber ist

Ich bete, dass der Erde unbefleckt ist, wo auch immer ich mich niederlasse

Es tut mir leid, meine Liebe, aber so muss es sein

Als wir diese Autobahn bauten, wussten Sie es ganz genau

Der Tag würde kommen, wenn ich renne und nie zurückschaue

Das Erstaunen in Ihrem Gesicht ist nur eine Fassade

Der Teil von Ihnen, der heute stirbt, ist schon vor einiger Zeit in mir verwelkt

Also kaufe ich eine Autobahnfahrkarte und kehre nie zurück

Ich würde dich bitten mitzukommen,

aber wir wissen es beide das ist nicht was du willst

Du bist derjenige, der davongekommen ist, und ich werde es mir niemals verzeihen

für jetzt nimm meinen Traumfänger, und ich werde heute Abend deinen Wangenknochen spritzen.

The Rain dance

You are the stranger I envisioned in my dream

what with that quaint looks and pale face

we never know how the cards may turn

I’ll be at our usual place

playing our usual song

waiting for the haunting grip of reality

even if the sky rains with burning embers

I will wait for you there

and we can sail deeper

explore Avalon for all it’s worth

take my hand and let’s forget earth

we can soar like the wingless Phoenix

and we need not talk

we could communicate in our minds

like hummingbird to hibiscus

I’m drawn to your shade of beauty

It’s me, half here with you

watching flamingos move in key sequence

beating the last lethargic clouds out of the sky

and dancing rain into existence like the Rain-man never could


Auf Deutsch

Du bist den Man, den Ich in meinem Traum gesehen habe

mit deinem blassen guten aussehen und alles

niemand kennt, wie die Karte umdreht

ich werde an unsere üblich Platz sein

spielen unsere üblich Musik

warum warten wir auf Wirklichkeit

Selbst wenn, die Himmel mit brennendem Feuer regnet

Ich warte auf dir dort

und wir konnen tiefer segeln

und Avalon erkunden.

Nimmst du denn meine Hand und lass uns die Erde vergessen

wir konnen wie die flügellos Phoenix fliegen

und wir müssen keinen wort reden

wir könnten nur in unseren Sinn sprechen

ich liebe deinen Hautton

wie der Vögel liebe die bunten Blumen

hier bin ich, die hälfte hier von mir bei dir

zusehen, wie Flamingos zusammen tanzen

Schlagen wir die letzte Wolke am Himmel

Wir tanzen bis es regnen, wie als der Regen-Mann nie könnte