F.E.A.R

With what my eyes have seen, the fields are lush. The streams are tiding from east to west. The moonlit sky migrating to a horizon. Buffalos hurdle to hide in caves. And sparrows high up the myrtle tree sings a song I fear.

A narrow window ajar, bright lights filtering through. I’ve come too far, not by my strength alone. One step heavier than the next, as though both feet were shackled to an anchor. Can’t see past my index finger. And I…

I should be very afraid.

The word FEAR keeps coming back around. Ironic how a simple four lettered word could cast so much shadow, it even holds power over identity, flashing a casted silhouette of doubt as an estranged former lover.

I am afraid

.

.

but what good would that do?

I can’t predict what’s engraved in the sands that fall through the Hourglass. I can’t speak incantations into the Wind and expect to extract a fortune. I can’t squeeze all that I am and serve to the universe on a platter. And I don’t.

I have a God that eradicates fear.

on A Myrtle Tree

And just like that

there is a man sitting on a myrtle tree

his body is feeble but his voice is loud

He sings the same song everyday;

Woe is the man who believes

in the freedom the world promises

for no such thing has ever existed

or will ever…

Sometimes he begins to fuss and wail

for no ear cares to listen

He should have given up a while ago

yet he campaigns even vigorously

Remove the scales from your eyes

so you can see in the darkness

There is only freedom

in the arms of the son of man

Days come and months pass

Sun shines and snow breaks

A child is born and a man dies

but the man’s mouth is never shut;

Open your lips and sing his praise

the LORD of lords is alive forever

drink from the living water he provides

and let peace rule your heart till death

The kids make fun of him all day

the young men think he’s drunk on spirit

the old men think he finally broken

since his family died a while back

I sometimes sit under that myrtle tree

let his voice serenade me while I rest

lately I started thinking of the possibilities

the man may be mad, but what if he’s right?

A Family of 6

I asked how they were called,

but they didn’t have a name

and when I visited them,

there was nothing interesting about them

I was infrequent,

but still they knew my name

they’d study the word together within a frame

and amuse each other afterwards

They said, God is love, so I believed

and hung my cares upon his cross

Each time I wanted to bury the faith

like the Grinch before Christmas miracle

but instead their company did warm my heart

I became part of a family without prejudice

a family saner than blood

A bond stronger than pride

Each weekend, we’d hold hands

Sing aloud the music of heaven

just the 6 of us, and I’m the least.

A bunch of students with nothing but their voices.

Sometimes we were more

other times just one would show

still one thing was sure

There is a pull in our hearts that just won’t let go

Year in, Year out.

I hope for the big secret to be revealed

48 hours to the end of 2019

and I’m still hoping with a gladdened heart

Angels sing with soft glorious voices

I’m impaled by the love of Jesus

I jubilate when I remember that

He can be confident for the six of us

He has seen us through in times of drought

Though stagnant floods may throw us into a folly

yet we labor to hear his calling on our lives

we breath into his double blessings

Will 2020 be the year he ropes us in?

show us the pastel he painted eons ago?

maybe not, but our mouths will never run out of testimonies

and I pray yours will never too.

Happy 2020 to you and yours.

God said No

This was posted in a WhatsApp group and I couldn’t resist sharing.

I asked God to take away my habit.

God said, No. It is not for me to take away but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.

God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.

God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn’t granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.

God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.

God said , No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.

God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.

God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me love others, as much as he loves me.

God said.. Ahh, finally you have the idea.

Let thy will be done

Sometimes I forget you see

that I’m not a bastard anymore

I’m still a careless child

but I don’t have to live in disconnect

trusting no one for so long as taught me to believe

that I had to survive alone in isolation

I had to think faster, work smarter

I tend to forgot that I don’t need to trade secrets to survive

neither do I need to keep secrets to feel a spur

it slips my mind. it really does.

There are layers to this journey called life

and likewise are there stages of the mind

but the biggest bullocks is of isolation

that’s when the voices become audible

sob a little louder why don’t you

no one can save you

it’s a dark droughty forest

one slip and you can sprain your ankle

and smash your head

scream louder but you’re still alone

doch!

what a noodle brain I have been

to forget I’m not alone

I had a father, and will have one for eternity

sometimes he breaths stillness in me

most times he prefers I move recklessly,

stumble on a table in a near psychotic episode

and he hears me loud and clear

he sees me when I visit our secret place

I forget sometimes that this place even exists

It needs a little spring cleaning, some home decor

but he’s there waiting

he sees my pain and replies, “it’s a process”

he gives me space in the darkness so I can ponder

that understand that there’s nothing truly there for me

I may scoff and curse, but in the end I utter the same words,

Father, let thy will be done.

Watch.Wait, and See

Oh dear, can you smell that? Yes it smells of shell and burnt clay…

but there is something else lingering here. It’s intense and fast approaching.

Today has been an irregular one in that I rarely change a post abruptly, in fact I slept at 3 am, because I was editing the post I was supposed to publish.

But someone, somewhere needs to realise that they have not been forgotten sooner than later.

Change is in the air

I am especially excited today. Saturdays are my hair days which is usually boring and tortuous. Albeit today has been the most joyous hair day I ever had. why?

I smell the showers of change sweeping us into 2019, good change.

But wait, there’s more…. that change doesn’t start in 2019, It’s already here. Can you believe it?

But how can change occur without perseverance? how can one reap the subtle exotic juicy fruit of the changing wind that 2019 is down pouring on us?

Stay Consistent

Let this word be inscribed on your forehead and heart. Whatever you are working through in your family, relationships, work place, just as you consistently breath, use each expiration to bring into fruition the blessings awaiting you.

Before 2019 ends, allow yourself to come face to face with the facet of your life that is hidden, and you may even be motivated despite temptations to start the process of abstracting shame with acts of love and kindness. Still we must be consistent with those acts of kindness in order to reap success and blessings.

Don’t Quit !

What are you doing different, or continuing, to impact yourself and the life of others around you?

Do you feel like no one is noticing, or no one is listening?

Don’t quit! Let God’s promises cradle you and your beautiful gifts and return back all you have given with interest.

He has already done it. just remember that the glory is not yours to hoard.

Persevere beautiful people. Watch, wait and see God bless you!

Freewill or what?

Anyone that knows me knows that I’m an advocate of freewill, a trait that is frequently misconstrued as stubbornness.

I am not a rules person. I’ve had minor clashes with authority figures and I will question anything that seems ehhh non-Linear and shady.

Because I suffered behind the tinted glass of silence most of my life, like not speaking up when I was raped. Apprehensive feelings that arose in my mind were unfortunately buried there too.

Therefore it is better to fly on the scrutinising wings of stubbornness than to be silent—- except when applying wisdom to silence.

I hated school uniforms and conformity. I questioned my parents, though non-confrontationally.

And yes, you’ve guessed it! I questioned God, time and again.

What is the true meaning of life if mankind must choose to accept the Good news, or be doomed?

This was something I wanted to know, but it seemed offensive, sinful even, to church leaders and  christians.

Since it evoked negative emotions, I quit.

I serve God because of my upbringing coupled with actually witnessing his love coupled with feeling his holy spirit at times, this is why I believe.

However in an alternate dimension I  may not know Christ, meet devious preachers that carry demeaning  messages that twist the Good news for personal gain

I thought hard on why  freewill isn’t a third option. Why one couldn’t mind their business, believing in neither, creating their own destinies while avoiding certain damnation.

Truth is, as appealing as it sounds, the world simply does not work that way. When I thought I had freewill, I ended up depressed and wishing for the grim reaper.

Freewill is the most ingenious, well-crafted deal that the devil recommended to trick Eve and her descendants.

But instead of God convicting me for my futile quest, he  gently coaxed me into a deeper understand on why life works as it does.

Just how amazing is this God?

Turns out we can be free after all, not the one that offers debauchery and greed, but one that allows  freedom to become our best selves within God’s love and grace. That’s how great he is, always one step ahead.

Therefore I rest my case… for now.

Thanks for hanging out with me today. Auf Weidersehen,

 

The Bitter truth

I know not about your faith but mine has been far from smooth sailing. You see things were simpler in the mosaic time, more in tuned with the frequency of  human nature.

The law was, “an eye for an eye”. Hate your enemy, love your friends. Then Jesus wiped all that away with his blood and instead gave us the new covenant that teaches us to be  christ like

Thank you Jesus but ehhh, how do I implement this in my daily life?

Half way through Matthew 5: 34-48, I had to do some reflecting, because I know I was guilty, very guilty of a misbalanced spiritual life.

So I said, Ok father, let’s talk. You know I’m selfish, I know I’m selfish. I even refuse to lend to people I hold grudges against, sometimes they’ve probably forgotten about it… but I didn’t.

I decided to freeze the problem at it’s the root

It was simply because I felt like whatever I give away, I will need.

You can notice how wrong that thought process is ( Matthew 6: 19-21). I suppose there are two kinds of people, those who find it easier to  share. And  me.

The Bible coax us to give, even more than we are asked without expecting it back. Pray for those who persecute us. Turn the other cheek, this is the bitter truth.

If you’re on this same both with me, then the two logical steps (which I am taking as well, is to pray for repentance.  Then, make a pact hat whomever will ask you for anything from henceforth, be it money,  a resting place, clothes, bags, whatever it is, you will say Yes, even if it hurts.

He assures me that from then onwards, it will only get easier, and I have faith in his promises.

If I’m not alone on this, then comment and share tips on what you’re doing to improve yourself.

I continue to pray that God brings out the Goodness in my heart and exterminate all greed. Have a blessed day.

It’s cold outside, stay warm.

Confessions of a New Born

 

I’m not a prophet, but every now and then I have a prescient, a message that weighs heavy on my heart.

But first I have a confession.

I grew up in  a christian household.  My father being a minister meant for us church once or more times in a week.  This was fine at first, I enjoyed being in the children’s choir, but with time I grew less infatuated with the routine.

I hated not having the choice of going. To worsen things, I was involuntarily a part of the Youth’s fellowship, Hence, I started to rebel .

One day in high school while our economics teacher was singing a tune,  I hummed along, completely unaware. It was a song from a popular christian group. By the time I realised how inappropriate I was acting, he was already searing through his thick rims at me. I  apologised, wondering how mad he must be. Instead, His grim face brightened up and he says, ” One day you’ll be able to sing out loud and not feel ashamed,”.

 

During my last year of High school, a preacher was praying for the graduating students. He later calls me aside and says; “promise me that you will not forget God in the future,”.   I had no idea what he was talking about as I made no plans to leave the tropical shores of my country at the time.

Leaving Nigeria was an exciting period for me. On one hand, I’d never been so far from home. Secondly, it meant freedom, not just from my parents but ultimately from God. I tried to maintain church going for about four months, then I folded up my Bible and forgot about that life. I was 16 at the time.

 

It was fun not living under any rule of conduct, but eventually loneliness surrounded me.

 

Med school was more bloodcurdling  than I anticipated. As a result, I spent 2 extra years, which I never publicly complained about, considering the number of students that drop out each year. Because of this, I always  prayed during the exams period.

In  2017, I reconnected with an old high school friend. We reminisced on old times, on when we’d present the news every Friday. We also got paired up a few times for Bible hour, I’d say the  prayers, and he’d preach.

I told him, I don’t do that anymore, and he seemed genuinely sad to hear it. That Christmas he sent me an ebook titled, “the prayerful woman”. I was swamped with final exams and thesis work, but I made out time to read the book, and it made me reflect on my life choices.

2018. I rededicated my life to Christ, and relinquished the control I thought I had. I’m akin to a new born in the kingdom. Now I  learn everything again. I would say that first, there was, and still is, a purge of Pride, selfishness and jealousy. I’ve also been getting lessons on God’s love and wisdom.

But today, I have something different in my heart, and it says;

“I will turn your weakness into strength, I will turn your enemies into allies”.

I’m sharing this Good news because of the slight chance that you, or even a nation (Nigeria’s election, America’s midterm is coming up) may need it too.

I’d also recommend you read Psalm 139, if your heart leads you to.

So there it is people. I am not a preacher, neither do I want to be! I am but a new born in a  24 year old woman’s costume searching for a her purpose through Jesus christ.

Happy Halloween. God bless you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but sometimes I have prophetic dreams