Watch.Wait, and See

Oh dear, can you smell that? Yes it smells of shell and burnt clay…

but there is something else lingering here. It’s intense and fast approaching.

Today has been an irregular one in that I rarely change a post abruptly, in fact I slept at 3 am, because I was editing the post I was supposed to publish.

But someone, somewhere needs to realise that they have not been forgotten sooner than later.

Change is in the air

I am especially excited today. Saturdays are my hair days which is usually boring and tortuous. Albeit today has been the most joyous hair day I ever had. why?

I smell the showers of change sweeping us into 2019, good change.

But wait, there’s more…. that change doesn’t start in 2019, It’s already here. Can you believe it?

But how can change occur without perseverance? how can one reap the subtle exotic juicy fruit of the changing wind that 2019 is down pouring on us?

Stay Consistent

Let this word be inscribed on your forehead and heart. Whatever you are working through in your family, relationships, work place, just as you consistently breath, use each expiration to bring into fruition the blessings awaiting you.

Before 2019 ends, allow yourself to come face to face with the facet of your life that is hidden, and you may even be motivated despite temptations to start the process of abstracting shame with acts of love and kindness. Still we must be consistent with those acts of kindness in order to reap success and blessings.

Don’t Quit !

What are you doing different, or continuing, to impact yourself and the life of others around you?

Do you feel like no one is noticing, or no one is listening?

Don’t quit! Let God’s promises cradle you and your beautiful gifts and return back all you have given with interest.

He has already done it. just remember that the glory is not yours to hoard.

Persevere beautiful people. Watch, wait and see God bless you!

Freewill or what?

Anyone that knows me knows that I’m an advocate of freewill, a trait that is frequently misconstrued as stubbornness.

I am not a rules person. I’ve had minor clashes with authority figures and I will question anything that seems ehhh non-Linear and shady.

Because I suffered behind the tinted glass of silence most of my life, like not speaking up when I was raped. Apprehensive feelings that arose in my mind were unfortunately buried there too.

Therefore it is better to fly on the scrutinising wings of stubbornness than to be silent—- except when applying wisdom to silence.

I hated school uniforms and conformity. I questioned my parents, though non-confrontationally.

And yes, you’ve guessed it! I questioned God, time and again.

What is the true meaning of life if mankind must choose to accept the Good news, or be doomed?

This was something I wanted to know, but it seemed offensive, sinful even, to church leaders and  christians.

Since it evoked negative emotions, I quit.

I serve God because of my upbringing coupled with actually witnessing his love coupled with feeling his holy spirit at times, this is why I believe.

However in an alternate dimension I  may not know Christ, meet devious preachers that carry demeaning  messages that twist the Good news for personal gain

I thought hard on why  freewill isn’t a third option. Why one couldn’t mind their business, believing in neither, creating their own destinies while avoiding certain damnation.

Truth is, as appealing as it sounds, the world simply does not work that way. When I thought I had freewill, I ended up depressed and wishing for the grim reaper.

Freewill is the most ingenious, well-crafted deal that the devil recommended to trick Eve and her descendants.

But instead of God convicting me for my futile quest, he  gently coaxed me into a deeper understand on why life works as it does.

Just how amazing is this God?

Turns out we can be free after all, not the one that offers debauchery and greed, but one that allows  freedom to become our best selves within God’s love and grace. That’s how great he is, always one step ahead.

Therefore I rest my case… for now.

Thanks for hanging out with me today. Auf Weidersehen,

 

The Bitter truth

I know not about your faith but mine has been far from smooth sailing. You see things were simpler in the mosaic time, more in tuned with the frequency of  human nature.

The law was, “an eye for an eye”. Hate your enemy, love your friends. Then Jesus wiped all that away with his blood and instead gave us the new covenant that teaches us to be  christ like

Thank you Jesus but ehhh, how do I implement this in my daily life?

Half way through Matthew 5: 34-48, I had to do some reflecting, because I know I was guilty, very guilty of a misbalanced spiritual life.

So I said, Ok father, let’s talk. You know I’m selfish, I know I’m selfish. I even refuse to lend to people I hold grudges against, sometimes they’ve probably forgotten about it… but I didn’t.

I decided to freeze the problem at it’s the root

It was simply because I felt like whatever I give away, I will need.

You can notice how wrong that thought process is ( Matthew 6: 19-21). I suppose there are two kinds of people, those who find it easier to  share. And  me.

The Bible coax us to give, even more than we are asked without expecting it back. Pray for those who persecute us. Turn the other cheek, this is the bitter truth.

If you’re on this same both with me, then the two logical steps (which I am taking as well, is to pray for repentance.  Then, make a pact hat whomever will ask you for anything from henceforth, be it money,  a resting place, clothes, bags, whatever it is, you will say Yes, even if it hurts.

He assures me that from then onwards, it will only get easier, and I have faith in his promises.

If I’m not alone on this, then comment and share tips on what you’re doing to improve yourself.

I continue to pray that God brings out the Goodness in my heart and exterminate all greed. Have a blessed day.

It’s cold outside, stay warm.

Confessions of a New Born

 

I’m not a prophet, but every now and then I have a prescient, a message that weighs heavy on my heart.

But first I have a confession.

I grew up in  a christian household.  My father being a minister meant for us church once or more times in a week.  This was fine at first, I enjoyed being in the children’s choir, but with time I grew less infatuated with the routine.

I hated not having the choice of going. To worsen things, I was involuntarily a part of the Youth’s fellowship, Hence, I started to rebel .

One day in high school while our economics teacher was singing a tune,  I hummed along, completely unaware. It was a song from a popular christian group. By the time I realised how inappropriate I was acting, he was already searing through his thick rims at me. I  apologised, wondering how mad he must be. Instead, His grim face brightened up and he says, ” One day you’ll be able to sing out loud and not feel ashamed,”.

 

During my last year of High school, a preacher was praying for the graduating students. He later calls me aside and says; “promise me that you will not forget God in the future,”.   I had no idea what he was talking about as I made no plans to leave the tropical shores of my country at the time.

Leaving Nigeria was an exciting period for me. On one hand, I’d never been so far from home. Secondly, it meant freedom, not just from my parents but ultimately from God. I tried to maintain church going for about four months, then I folded up my Bible and forgot about that life. I was 16 at the time.

 

It was fun not living under any rule of conduct, but eventually loneliness surrounded me.

 

Med school was more bloodcurdling  than I anticipated. As a result, I spent 2 extra years, which I never publicly complained about, considering the number of students that drop out each year. Because of this, I always  prayed during the exams period.

In  2017, I reconnected with an old high school friend. We reminisced on old times, on when we’d present the news every Friday. We also got paired up a few times for Bible hour, I’d say the  prayers, and he’d preach.

I told him, I don’t do that anymore, and he seemed genuinely sad to hear it. That Christmas he sent me an ebook titled, “the prayerful woman”. I was swamped with final exams and thesis work, but I made out time to read the book, and it made me reflect on my life choices.

2018. I rededicated my life to Christ, and relinquished the control I thought I had. I’m akin to a new born in the kingdom. Now I  learn everything again. I would say that first, there was, and still is, a purge of Pride, selfishness and jealousy. I’ve also been getting lessons on God’s love and wisdom.

But today, I have something different in my heart, and it says;

“I will turn your weakness into strength, I will turn your enemies into allies”.

I’m sharing this Good news because of the slight chance that you, or even a nation (Nigeria’s election, America’s midterm is coming up) may need it too.

I’d also recommend you read Psalm 139, if your heart leads you to.

So there it is people. I am not a preacher, neither do I want to be! I am but a new born in a  24 year old woman’s costume searching for a her purpose through Jesus christ.

Happy Halloween. God bless you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but sometimes I have prophetic dreams

I Survived

Yesterday, I thanked God for the lives of my loved ones, today I thank God for mine.

Exactly a week ago, during my daily communication with God, I found myself in tears, praying for life. I didn’t know why but I dwelled on it for some time. I didn’t think much of it afterwards because I could feel that my prayers were answered.

I woke up today with only one intention, to plan the best party for my beloved. At some point I was eager to get things done as quickly as possible. As I was driving on the main road, a Ford from a motor road, I’m guessing he was either in a hurry as well or he was absent-minded.

The next thing I see is  a white car in front of me, swivelling to my left . I was jamming the brake, but at the speed I was going,  it wasn’t enough to completely stop my car.

CRASHHHH

I stopped, he stopped, I got out and  I could hear myself scream towards him; ” WHY?”

Then I moved the car from the road to a taxi stop, his car engine was completely dead.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that God truly did save my life in more ways than one;

I wasn’t with my phone and I couldn’t call anybody. Worse still, my phone cover has a compartment where I keep my most important cards, including my driver’s license. I had neither on my person.

His car stopped. He had to call a tow company, if that did not happen, he would have left the scene, who have believed a foreign black girl speaking gibberish lango? I asked him to call the police and make pictures of the scene. I think he understood but he waved it away. He was mostly interested in the insurances

I don’t speak the local dialect, everybody that saw the crash went on their way. It could have been very easy for him to pin the fault on me when the police came.

I was also torn about the police involvement especially as I didn’t have my card, and he had told me to call him and his insurance and get money. At that time, I was okay with the verbal alliance but now that I’ve taken time to process it, I’m realising that he was being a wise guy and I was being gullible.

When the police came, I shouted, ” Oh God, why me?”

They turned out to be incredibly helpful although I didn’t have any identity on me. They seemed frustrated with me at first, but they became understanding and supportive.

A good samaritan and his lovely wife gave me a lift home.

Now, as I ask God, “Why me”? It is with a completely different tone. Last Thursday, he told me he will save a life.  Today his word came true , for he kept Mr white Ford  and I safe and unharmed.

You guys, yesterday I was literally talking about the importance of celebrating life. I didn’t even know, but it’s okay because the one who saves sees today and eons into the future.

After posting on social platform, a few people that care asked why I behave like nothing happened to me.

Ok  I’ve made it obvious that  the number uno reason I write is because I don’t know how to process emotions properly, PLUS how can I be wailing and rolling?

Who died?

Certainly not me. Instead, I’m celebrating my life confidently in Jesus today, tomorrow and forever. Thank You Jesus!

Thanks for reading my daily thoughts <3

Satisfaction

I slept last night watching webinars on how to drive more traffic to my blog and commanding an online presence, I woke up  this morning lucidly dreaming  about how to make sales.

This has been occupying my thoughts for months, I’m unemployed and I need to be independent regardless of my parent’s fortune.

Today during our study session, my German teacher asks me ways I save money, so I tell her that I rather invest than quit shopping or travelling, because that’s just me. I want to take 4 usd and turn it into 8 and then $12 rather than keep $4  in a piggy bank every month.

This caused me to realise just how much I idolize money, I mean every one does, but perhaps some more than others. Later,  I open WordPress and the first article I see is titled; the blessings of brokenness.

I scoffed.

What could this man be thinking to identify brokenness with blessings.  In what Multiverse? Out of curiosity I decided to read the post which began reshaping my POV .

I thought ok, he’s not wrong, but I still need to  make money!

I scrolled through twitter and I find yet another sermon with Joyce Meyer explaining Psalm 63 with her experience, talking about what it means to put God first and be fully satisfied

So I started thinking about why he was bringing these messages my way. All I want to do is become a social media elite and capture subscribers, it doesn’t mean I’m being ungrate….

…..Oh, maybe I’m being a tad impatient in my queries and mission to conquer online marketing

Maybe my vision has shifted from waking up thinking, ” thank you lord,” to “how do I get people hooked on this product.

Maybe I’m too focused  on an evitable future brokeness that I forgot how he’s steered me from tribulations in the past

And maybe, just maybe although I pray and sing praises, at the back of my mind, I am really thinking about the grind.

so I ask him, where do I go from here? should I just quit on everything I’ve been trying to figure out for the past few months?

The first Bible I came across was Mattew 6:34.

I guess it’s settled then. No more moaning about money etc. I will try my best to keep my eye on the cross and continue this  heavenly race I’ve been so fortunate to be a part of.

In hindsight, money doesn’t equal satisfaction. It’ll just tries to replace Christ in our lives which it’ll never be able.

Sure I want to be rich, successful and respected, like everyone but from what I know, I am indeed impatient and this race has phases to it.

In truth, I need to embrace the not-rich, non social media elite Idara because this will be a part of that story that awes the world years from now and bring Glory to his name.

Thanks for reading my daily thoughts.  Leave a comment. Tell us how your day went.

God bless you.

 

Gratitude

When what we want makes us cry

What we need passes us by

There is a choice;

To  be bitter or thankful

To be covet or grateful

To be appreciative or spiteful.

 

When we stand on neutral, lukewarm grounds

Hope vanishes like a brilliant  gloss on a winter evening

Our reaction shows what is deserving

Why not forget the vanity and focus on vitality?

Tis our father who steers us from depravity

Tis his wisdom that bears the fruit of greatness.

 

Okay. It sucks, a lot.

No one can grasp what’s going on

Time has left you misplaced

Regret comes-a-knocking at your door

All you do is look at the flaws in your morality

When you could be on your knees being praiseful.

 

It takes one. Three. Five minutes

A moment of solemn awareness in your center

To acknowledge your mortality and fragile nature

A silence that stumbles the biggest giant

one that humbles the greatest emperors

As you relinquish  your power.

 

 

Do not fight resistant, embrace it

A lot can happen in one. Three. Five minutes

In  one, God can turn your crimson soul to white

In three he can reverse  the destruction of a lifetime

He can rain copious bounty upon your family in five

Be grateful that everything is in his control, if you come to him.

 

 

 

The awakening

Most times I prefer that it become adaptable to the audience by letting you read meaning into it, but this one is personal.

We’ve had to deal with our fare share of insecurities in a way that’s unique to us. Ergo, no two war stories will ever be the same.

After a scheduled coffee date this week,  I was forced to stare at myself  in the  mirrored hall and I couldn’t help but Thank God, because I saw myself for how beautiful I truly was.

Before then I made futile attempts to not look at myself because all I saw was a grimy shadow of imperfections. I thank God for my journey thus far. I thank him for the courage to love myself the way he intended.

 

 

Don’t look at me

for I wear shame like a crown

worthy of thorns

worthy of scorn

worthy of everything, but mercy

 

The person I saw the other day

she looked back at me with vulnerability

so I mocked her for being weak

I mocked her for I knew she has much shame

exactly as much as I have

 

In the day time I yearn for worthiness

the worth of love and belonging

An impression I never fanthomed

the abyss that leaves me empty and dry

Drowning in a sardonic rash 

 

And I searched for it in her

for forthnights and moonsons

for decades and eras

for milleniums and eons

till I was emptier and drier

 

It drove me crazy

For in many men the courage  existed

I went astray connecting deeper with her psyche

and  she had no compassion for me

just like I had none for her

 

So I laid there pleading

I grew numb. My teeth  bleeding

I could tell she was scared of me

but her shame kept her locked  away

in iron clad glates

 

In her eyes a glimmer of compassion

Her voice chocked with hope

Hope was all I needed

to reveal her courage

and rid her fear.

 

I began to tell her

everything she is good at

I was beginning to see it

even if the world didn’t

Yes I see it!

 

Then did she rise and break the fetters

I thought she would smite me

I couldn’t blame her

yet her eyes gleamed with empathy

She rescued me, like Heracles did Theseus

 

 

She cleaned me up

she took my hand

we walked together

out of the seat of witness

I have never felt worth until now

 

This is what vulnerability feels like

I formed ground-breaking connections

These all happened while she sat cross-legged on a  mat

chanting in deep breaths;

I am enough!

 

 

 

LIMITLESS- Affirmation for september

Have you ever felt bullied or persecuted?

Have you ever been in agony, the kind that caused you to  reverie on the  release of death?

Have you ever been homeless, not knowing where your next meal will come from?

Have you ever thought about  your future  and it’s feels bleak causing you anxiety?

Have you ever battled diseases, perhaps even counting down till your final wisp of air?

Have you ever felt like you should be anywhere else except where you are now?

Is there an omen in your family that limits your individuality?

Well  I would like to share Romans 8:28-39 with you  to negate every limitation that weighs down on you.

For the scripture says;

 

 

“If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

Since he did not spare even his own Son

but gave him for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?

Who dare accuse us whom God has chosen for his own?

No one—- for God himself has given us right standing with himself…

 

We see this scripture again in the famous John 3:16. I recited it several times as a kid, but I just discovered the revelation hidden within it.

The devil is so good at manipulating , he will use your own Ego. That’s right, your best friend works for  the enemy, and he will tell you everything about what’s wrong with you.

Fill you with insecurities about yourself. About God. About Life.

You will only ever see as far as he lets you see, till God reveals himself to you.

Until you realise Christ in you, there will always be limits.

Now is the time to break free .

The scripture says, that  Jesus is the firstborn, and we are his brothers and sisters. We are like Christ, it is our birth right

Here’s the trick though, no matter how many people tell you this, if you don’t see it, if you don’t believe it.  It is like tearing up 500 pounds and throwing it into the wind. I know, I’ve been there.

Now I practice meditating on the goodness of my Saviour.  There can be no better way to spend this lovely Sunday afternoon.  I’m gonna leave you with the most powerful part of Romans 8. Please believe the word

Remain blessed, May this month bring us much fruitfulness and align us closer to his purpose;

 

 

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love?

Does it mean he no longer love us if we have trouble or calamity,

or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?

(As the scriptures say, “for your sake we are killed every day, we are being slaughtered

like sheep)

No despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loves us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love.

Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons

neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow

—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love

No power in the sky above or in the earth below

—-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love

of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

 

 

 

A Love above All

Real talk guys.  This week I have been forced to accept the truth about how I love, and I realized that I know even little about love than I thought I did.

Through the word of God, we get an Insight on the love of God, we see how he walks with us and does not discriminate, but most especially we learn about how he forgives us even before we ask, in fact even before we turned away from him, and then we may want to compare it with the conditional, materialistic love that human share. Indeed, we have a long way to go in order to be Christ-like.

As stated in the beginning, I want to keep it real. If holding grudges were a course in school, I would get a A++.  Unfortunately for me, I happen to be really good at it, and this exactly the toxic energy I am trying to rid from my life.  The word of God says; Guard your heart and I hear him whisper to me especially saying; Idara, for your sake, guide your heart. This is no coincidence because anger is a desire of the flesh, and what I do is that I give people three chances of redemption, after the chances are used up, they become dead to me. No matter how deep our friendship is,  I could slowly erase anybody like we didn’t know each other for over fifteen years. I am so good at it and it hurts me so much because that is not the person I want to be anymore.

I want to take an example from my Lord Jesus Christ, this was someone who was persecuted solely because he created the world, and loved his creation. I see God’s amazing love in my life every time because it is in his nature, and if Christ could love me just for being me, then I could love everybody for being themself. Right now, I am in the headspace where I know that  I need to consciously place God’s love over self-love, and flee far far away from unforgiveness, and anger.

At the end of the day, it all boils down to pride, the seed that sprouts stubbornness in my heart. For the most part, I am an extremely sensitive person, so I use pride, or rather pride uses me to make up for it but the truth is, I just want to lay it down at the cross of my saviour, and walk away with nothing attached to me. I need God’s love like I need to breath and I need to love like God, for if not for his love, my life would have been over before it even began.

 

A love above all

Never-ending beauty of renaissance

To err is human,  for forgiveness is divine.

 

Speaking of redemption, the Super eagles came through today at the world cup. Ahmed Musa is the only  Nigerian player with the most goals in world cup history. Let’s keep it up.