A Sinner’s Prayer

Forgive me o’ Lord for I have sinned

You’ve heard this a million times

it could be tattooed to my lips

I head right at every possible turn

even when I know volcanic rubbles lie awaits

I’ve condemned my self all my life

better me than you I always say

better to start walking the grave than hope for life

for what has hope ever brought to the hopeless

what has life brought to a begger

I am a refugee at best with sticky hands

I know how to stop but I don’t know when

I think today is the last time but it never is

what has hope ever brought to a sinner?

I head right at every crossroad I come

Past the forest, deep into the woods

running up the hill that snakes at every turn

Forgive me o’ Lord for I have sinned

unfortunately it won’t be my last confession either

I’ve heaved and whined and rolled in mud

I say “it is well”, we both know I don’t mean it

I’m thankful for every chance of redemption you offer

and condemn myself every time I fail

better me than you I always say

what hope in life is there for a person who may know left?

I Survived

Yesterday, I thanked God for the lives of my loved ones, today I thank God for mine.

Exactly a week ago, during my daily communication with God, I found myself in tears, praying for life. I didn’t know why but I dwelled on it for some time. I didn’t think much of it afterwards because I could feel that my prayers were answered.

I woke up today with only one intention, to plan the best party for my beloved. At some point I was eager to get things done as quickly as possible. As I was driving on the main road, a Ford from a motor road, I’m guessing he was either in a hurry as well or he was absent-minded.

The next thing I see is  a white car in front of me, swivelling to my left . I was jamming the brake, but at the speed I was going,  it wasn’t enough to completely stop my car.

CRASHHHH

I stopped, he stopped, I got out and  I could hear myself scream towards him; ” WHY?”

Then I moved the car from the road to a taxi stop, his car engine was completely dead.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that God truly did save my life in more ways than one;

I wasn’t with my phone and I couldn’t call anybody. Worse still, my phone cover has a compartment where I keep my most important cards, including my driver’s license. I had neither on my person.

His car stopped. He had to call a tow company, if that did not happen, he would have left the scene, who have believed a foreign black girl speaking gibberish lango? I asked him to call the police and make pictures of the scene. I think he understood but he waved it away. He was mostly interested in the insurances

I don’t speak the local dialect, everybody that saw the crash went on their way. It could have been very easy for him to pin the fault on me when the police came.

I was also torn about the police involvement especially as I didn’t have my card, and he had told me to call him and his insurance and get money. At that time, I was okay with the verbal alliance but now that I’ve taken time to process it, I’m realising that he was being a wise guy and I was being gullible.

When the police came, I shouted, ” Oh God, why me?”

They turned out to be incredibly helpful although I didn’t have any identity on me. They seemed frustrated with me at first, but they became understanding and supportive.

A good samaritan and his lovely wife gave me a lift home.

Now, as I ask God, “Why me”? It is with a completely different tone. Last Thursday, he told me he will save a life.  Today his word came true , for he kept Mr white Ford  and I safe and unharmed.

You guys, yesterday I was literally talking about the importance of celebrating life. I didn’t even know, but it’s okay because the one who saves sees today and eons into the future.

After posting on social platform, a few people that care asked why I behave like nothing happened to me.

Ok  I’ve made it obvious that  the number uno reason I write is because I don’t know how to process emotions properly, PLUS how can I be wailing and rolling?

Who died?

Certainly not me. Instead, I’m celebrating my life confidently in Jesus today, tomorrow and forever. Thank You Jesus!

Thanks for reading my daily thoughts <3

Perspectives

Believe it or not. We take life for granted.

Even a day old neonate is guilty of becoming too comfortable with the air  and food he is able to enjoy, and sometimes we pray thanking God for life, but when was the last time we actively paeaned him rather than just reciting words? When was the last we helped someone because of their fragile humanity, rather than sending a one liner; “Hey Josephine, if you need my help, let me know.”

We are truly  insouciant to the differing perspective around us, and it’ll takes an unexpected cul-de-sac to jolt us  to conscious awareness. Let me give an example, I have been living in Hungary for a while now,  I’ve ensconced myself here and I almost forgot I’m not from here. Then I get a letter from immigrations last week, It seems they were acknowledging the completion of  my studies as the completion of my residence and they gave me a period of time to finalize my affairs and mossy on out. My dreamscape came crashing down, hard. I definitely thought I had more time. I needed a resolution.

For an entire day, I reminisced on the events, people etc that I’d taken for granted. I have never considered the perspective of a refugee prior to this point in my life,  they have been people I see on the the streets of Rome, and maybe that one lady that lives down the street that I avoid because she may be in trouble with the law.  Ergo, my primary message is, It’s not your  concern, till it happens to you. Yes you.

Here’s where I can brag about my petit growth, an old me would have panicked indubitably,  ran to the immigration office ASAP with no plan, wailed, contacted a lawyer, fall into a depressed mood, basically dithered around every promising lead like a scatterbrain. However, I continued my day without letting myself become ensnared by the distractibility of that letter. I understood it’s purpose was to evoke attrition, but It was another typical day.

In the Untethered soul, Micheal Singer talks about how our mind internalizes ordinary life situations to become a block in our life. If we need a solution, we also look introspectively to release that block. How easy! not really tho.

At the end, to God be the Glory,  a resolution was attained. I have learnt to be more consciously available, grateful and  more so flexible enough to consider every perspective.  Let us all remain blessed. Arrivederci.

 

Peter Pan taught me

In a dimension of impossibles

It is possible to fly